Thursday, March 20, 2008

On Being a Single Lay Person at 41

First of all, I still can’t believe I’m 41! I do go through times of wondering if I’ve done enough with my life thus far. I cringe when I think I’m still working on a graduate degree, but then I remind myself I’ve almost finished it, and finishing it later in life is still a personal accomplishment, because I could have not pursued an MA at all.

But back to the topic at hand: how do I feel about being single at my age? Thinking about it this morning, it brings me peace. Years ago, I’d tried to discern if I had any calling to being a vowed religious, but I can’t say I felt such a call. As far as marriage goes, I’ve never really personally desired it. I’ve “wanted to want it”, but thus far I don’t genuinely want marriage. (I consider being disposed to physical intimacy with the other sex a necessary prerequisite for marriage.)

So I continue along in my single lay state. Not having siblings or a spouse or children, I tend to see my close friends as family. I’m also grateful to be close to my mother and grandmother.

I want to spend eternity with God in heaven and I try to bring my focus back to that when my heart gets all tangled up, which still happens from time to time…

"The Institution of the Eucharist" by Joos van Wassenhove

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